The Rings Revenge
by Kaima
Summary: A new minion of Sauron has been discovered...Two mysterious figures show up in the shire and request the hobbits help in defeating him. Do I smell smut? Of course!
1. Many Meetings

The Ring's Revenge  
  
By Katie Romans and Kayla Young who sat in the floor and laughed and added naughty bits.  
  
Chapter One: Many Meetings  
  
Disclaimer: Sadly, we don't own LOTR. Or the name Torak. But if we did, we'd open a nightclub...  
  
Frodo, Sam, Merry, and Pippin sat around a table with cups of ale in hand, laughing and celebrating. "I am SO glad you decided not to go to that BORING elf place," Sam said, obviously too far gone in drink. "The Black Havens was it?"  
  
"Grey," Frodo said, slightly more sober than the rest.  
  
"Right. That's what we call the hood back in the Shire, my homies!" Sam coughed. "Er, never mind."  
  
"Can you believe it?" Pippin exclaimed. "We're like, national heroes! We're sexy beasts! Why aren't we having lady hobbits fall all over us? Well, other than Sam, o' course."  
  
"Right. I got me Rosie. But she's not too happy bout me getting drunk."  
  
"Speaking of getting drunk...." a person came up behind Frodo and pressed a knife against his throat. Another did the same to Sam.  
  
"We need you to stop," the other said. "Your quest is not over yet."  
  
"Why yes it is," Pippin said, "We destroyed the ring an' everything, dontcha know?"  
  
"Pip," Merry said, looking pale at the knives against Frodo and Sam's throats, "Don't be pushing your luck."  
  
Frodo was afraid to move. "Er – if it's not to rude to be asking, why do you have a knife? At my throat?"  
  
"A conversation starter," one of them shrugged underneath the cloak.  
  
"Kay! You were supposed to be serious!"  
  
"I was being serious!"  
  
The two hooded figures began arguing.  
  
"I knew I shouldn't have brought you along!"  
  
"Well you're too serious anyway! You need some comic relief!"  
  
"Fuck off!"  
  
"How shall I fuck off, my lord?"  
  
The two glared at each other, not that you could really tell from the cloaks.  
  
"Fiesty, are we?" one asked the other.  
  
"Kayla Anne..."  
  
"Kath-a-leen Eliz-a-beth..."  
  
"You sound like a person from the sticks."  
  
"We're in the sticks aren't we?"  
  
"Now that's just too much," Pip interrupted. "We donna live in the sticks....an' what's this about an accent? We donna have an accent....do we, Merry?"  
  
Merry nodded a bit shamefacedly. "Actually, we do Pip."  
  
Pip gulped. "Never mind."  
  
The two figures stared at him for a moment, then burst out laughing.  
  
"You are just adorable!" one said, pulling what turned out to be 'her' cloak down. She was a lady of her late teens, with fiery red hair and emerald eyes. Her skin was of an almost olive tinge. "I'm Kathleen Elizabeth of the Dryads, but people call me Katie."  
  
"And asshole for short," the other piped up, pulling down her hood.  
  
"And this less than complimentary blond is Kayla Anne, also known as Kay, or asswipe."  
  
Frodo looked at Kay with interest. Her pale blond hair shone like silver, and her eyes were a mixture of gray and green. "Hi," he said. "I'm Frodo..."  
  
"I know, dumbass," Kay shot back. "You're famous, if you didn't realize that. But you didn't finish your damn quest!"  
  
"I already told you, yes we did!" Pip shouted.  
  
"No," Katie said. "Sauron had another minion. Saruman wasn't the only one. He had another much more subtle, more tactile official. His name was Torak. A mighty, powerful sorcerer he was, he had powers to easily escape your puny grasp of knowledge."  
  
"And who are you to know such things?" Frodo asked suspiciously.  
  
"We were his top slaves" Kayla spat with disgust. "We knew everything that went on..."  
  
"Until we escaped back to our Dryad homeland only a few years ago, and found out about you." Katie continued, "So we decided to find you guys and get you to help us on our quest to kick his ass back to the hell where he came from."  
  
"If you're up for the job." Kayla said.  
  
"I suppose," Frodo said, "But can't you just do it yourself?"  
  
"No, we have to have a former Ringbearer," Katie said, "You still have some of the power of the One Ring. It will help you defeat Torak. Your knowledge and skill will also be useful."  
  
Pip belched very loudly. "Yup, we're as intelligent as they come."  
  
Sam rolled his eyes. "Well, if Master Frodo is going, I'll be coming too."  
  
"And us too," Pip said. "For intelligence. And stuff."  
  
Merry glared at him. "Well that rules you out, Pip."  
  
"Merry, that was only funny the first time."  
  
At this point Frodo noticed his Pippin's eyes wandering to a female area of the body on Katie. He had never known Pip to have any such thoughts of women before. And of a Dryad! This could go wrong....but when Frodo looked at Kayla, he didn't care anymore....  
  
"We're coming," he said firmly.  
  
"Good," Katie said with a toss of her red hair. "Let's get moving." 


	2. Whole Lotta Rosie

Chapter Two: Whole Lotta Rosie  
  
Disclaimer: We don't own AC/DC either.  
  
Sam walked up to the door of his hobbit hole sadly. He didn't want to do this. But he knew it was necessary. He timidly opened the door. "Rosie? Are you still awake?"  
  
Then he saw her sitting in a rocking chair with a lock of her hair curling under her chin. "You're leaving again, aren't you?"  
  
"Rose – "  
  
"It's okay," she said, getting up. "You were destined to be in the fellowship, and I can't change that. But sometimes I wish that you had a bit more time for me....even though I know it's for the best."  
  
"Rosie you're making this so hard for me."  
  
"I know. But still....just think of me while you're gone. I'll talk to the hobbits around here so I won't get lonely, but please hurry and get back."  
  
"I will," Sam assured her. "I love you so much." He walked over to her.  
  
"I love you too," Rosie whispered.  
  
Sam took her in his arms and took her for a kiss that would hopefully last her several months. But all good things must come to an end, and with that, Sam left his home once again.  
  
Sam walked back into the tavern. "Are you ready?"  
  
Katie looked at him impatiently. "I thought you'd never get back. OF COURSE we're ready."  
  
"You obviously have no heart," Kay teased her.  
  
"You're right," Katie admitted. "My soul is black. My heart is an endless vacuum of all things bad. I never plan to find love. My mommy never took me to the circus as a child."  
  
"Touching," Kayla said, smacking her across the head.  
  
Pippin looked at Katie. "You'll find love someday. I know it."  
  
Merry looked at Pippin with eyes as wide as ale mugs. "Pip? You can be sentimental? You're surprising me!"  
  
Pip shrugged. "It happens to the best of us."  
  
Katie rolled her eyes. "Let's get out of this hell-hole."  
  
"The Shire isn't a hell-hole!" Frodo exclaimed.  
  
"No, but this despicable tavern certainly is."  
  
Kayla took off her cloak and threw it aside. "It's warm out tonight. We won't be needing these. We should pack them for later."  
  
Frodo's eyes were about to fall out. Kayla wore a green tunic with knives attached at her waist. Her boots went up to mid-thigh, and he was sure she had some daggers in there too. She was one nice looking woman, Frodo thought.  
  
"Well, if you insist," Katie said. She took off her cloak. She wore a skimpy blue tunic that left little to the imagination. Her boots were closer to being shoes and were cut at the ankle. She had a full-length sword in a scabbard at her belt. Pippin picked up the cloak she had set in the floor.  
  
"I have a sack, would you like me to carry it?"  
  
Katie looked at Pip suggestively. "I'm sure you have a very nice sack."  
  
Pip's ears turned red. "That's not what I meant."  
  
Katie laughed and patted his cheek fondly. "I know."  
  
They set out of the tavern with nothing but a few changes of clothes packed and some food they had 'borrowed' from the barkeeper. No one saw them leave the Shire – everyone was asleep.  
  
Or so they thought.  
  
Down at the Gamgee house, a light is still on and when the person waiting in the window sees the six shadowy figures leave the tavern, the light goes off, and another shadowy figure trails behind the slightly revised fellowship.  
  
"You think you could leave me behind," a voice says from behind.  
  
Heads twirl around. "Rosie!" Sam exclaimed. "I told you to stay home!"  
  
Rosie took Sam and kissed him with such ferocity that there was a "Oooooh" in unison from the fellowship....Pip was tempted to get out his video camera, if only they had been invented yet. When she finally let go, all Sam could say was, "You're coming with me."  
  
"Right on!" Pippin shouted. He looked curiously at Katie. "You fancy a go?"  
  
"Not on your life, Pip," Katie said with a laugh.  
  
"I fancy a go," Kay piped up. "Who's willing?"  
  
Everyone took a step back.  
  
"I was just joking!" Kayla assured them. "Er – I think."  
  
They continued on, for their journey had only started, and they still hadn't made it out of the Shire, and to find Torak, this could take a while.  
  
They traveled all night uneventfully, with Frodo realizing how much he missed life on the road. His adventure wasn't over after all, and that actually made him happy. Another month or so on the road would do him good. Especially while running around pretty young women instead of ugly old men.  
  
By morning they had made it to the village of Bree, which brought back memories for the hobbits. It seemed like only yesterday when Pippin got drunk and made a fool of himself. "Yes I know a Baggins. Frodo Baggins, sitting right over there in the corner. He's my mother's aunt's..."  
  
The walked into the Prancing Pony, which was under new management. A young half elf/half hobbit lass named Bethany had taken over it when the old manager died. A half elf/half hobbit was very rare indeed, but her parents had met on the road and despite vast racial differences, decided to wed. Bethany herself was a girl of medium height with amber hair, sharp ears, and large feet, but they weren't hairy. She could pass for a human if it weren't for the ears, Frodo thought.  
  
Merry walked up to the counter. "We'll need four rooms."  
  
"FOUR?" the rest half-shouted.  
  
"Well yes, one for Sam and Rosie, one for me, one for Frodo and Kayla, and one for Pip and Katie."  
  
"Do I smell smut?" Bethany asked with sparkling eyes.  
  
"No, false alarm," Kayla disagreed. "Seven rooms. We're on a mission."  
  
"We don't have that much money," Katie said, pulling out her purse. "We actually only have enough for four."  
  
"Okay then," Kayla said, "Me in a room, you in one, Sam and Rosie in one, and the other three in one."  
  
"Hey! That's not fair!" Frodo objected.  
  
"Okay, me and Kayla, Sam and Rosie, Frodo, and Merry and Pippin."  
  
"Why does Frodo get his own room?"  
  
"OKAY!" Katie shouted. "We'll go with the original. Merry gets his own room, the rest share with your respected smut partner."  
  
A circle of wicked smiles swept the fellowship.  
  
"Well then if that's settled...." Katie took Pip's hand. "Me and Pip are going to get some sleep."  
  
"I bet," Kayla snorted.  
  
"Well you won't be exactly catching shut-eye either!"  
  
"Good point," she admitted.  
  
Katie dragged Pip up to one of the rooms. Pip had an awed look on his face, like he was experiencing a dream come true. He was MOST alarmed when Katie began taking off her clothes.  
  
"What – what - you were serious?"  
  
"I sleep nude."  
  
Pip smiled. "So do I."  
  
Kayla and Frodo sat awkwardly together on the bed. "Well..." Kayla said. "I guess we'd better go to sleep."  
  
"I suppose," Frodo says. He leaned in closer to Kayla and kissed her with a level of passion that was slightly disturbing. Not that she minded, of course.  
  
"I love you Frodo," Kayla said between breaths.  
  
"You're just horny."  
  
"It could be that. But I'm hoping it's that I love you."  
  
"Well in that case," he took off his shirt. Articles of clothing began to scatter on the floor...  
  
Sam held Rosie close to his heart as she drifted off into sleep. He was so glad that she had came with them. He probably wouldn't have made it without her. He smelled the sweet aroma of her hair and then kissed it.  
  
"Sam?" she whispered.  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"I love you."  
  
"I know. I love you too."  
  
He kissed her once more before falling to sleep.  
  
Aw....isn't that sweet... 


	3. And Now There Are Eight

Chapter Three: And Now There Are Eight  
  
Merry was lonely. Pip was supposed to be with him right now, sharing stories about stealing from Farmer Maggot, or setting off fireworks at Bilbo's 111th birthday. But no. He was off having the time of his life with Katie. And leaving him alone with his thoughts.  
  
A knock came at the door. The girl Bethany walked in. "Hello," she said, dressed in her barkeep outfit. "Will you be needing anything this evening?"  
  
"I need my best friend," Merry said sadly. "But he's fallen in love – or lust, whichever – and left me alone. Who am I supposed to goof off with now?"  
  
"I may not be your best friend, but I can goof around with you," she said with a sly look in her eyes.  
  
He smiled. "Thanks for the offer, but I'm not in the mood."  
  
"Don't worry, I was joking," she assured him. "What brings your oddly assorted group here anyway?" she asked, sitting down next to him.  
  
"You won't tell?" he asked.  
  
"Never."  
  
"One of Sauron's minions survived. His name is Torak. We have to go defeat him, since we're the former fellowship and all."  
  
Her eyes widened. "YOU were part of the Fellowship of the Ring?"  
  
"Yeah. Not a very important member though. All I managed to do was get caught by some orcs and get separated from the rest of them with Pip."  
  
Bethany's eyes widened, if possible, even more. "You're Meriadoc Brandybuck?"  
  
"Friends call me Merry."  
  
"And the others....Peregrin Took....FRODO BAGGINS! My goodness...." she said in awe. "The one who held the ring of power...."  
  
"Yes, it's all pretty amazing," Merry said. "But I'm lonely."  
  
"Poor Merry," Bethany said sympathetically. "I do have to admit something. I know who Torak is. I know where he is."  
  
Merry gasped. "How?"  
  
"I was one of his slaves. I recognized Katie and Kayla, but I don't think they recognized me. I wasn't very well known. Everyone knew Katie and Kayla, cause they made life for Torak a living hell."  
  
"I can see them doing that," Merry said. "I'd tell you to go talk to them about joining the fellowship, but they're probably busy...so talk to them in the morning. I hope you can come. It sounds like I'm – I mean we're gonna need you."  
  
They all arose the next morning cranky, due to the fact very few actually went to sleep. As a group the trudged down the stairs to the bar to try and catch a bit of breakfast. There was Bethany smiling at the group and bringing them a few trays of oatmeal and juice. "Good morning." She greeted them cheerfully.  
  
"Not really." Katie responded. Merry acted as if she said nothing.  
  
"Morning to you too, what's for breakfast?"  
  
"I hope you guys enjoy oatmeal," Bethany said laying the trays on a nearby table for them.  
  
"You mean gruel." Katie griped.  
  
"You're going to have to pardon my friend here," Kayla explained "She's not a morning person."  
  
"I know, Kathleen has never been a morning person...." Bethany said.  
  
"How..."  
  
"I've known you guys for quite a while." Kayla studied her closely.  
  
"Beth? Bethany Yoakem?"  
  
"That's me, the slave everyone forgot," Beth smiled sadly. "You guys were the heroes....I was just a follower. But that's not important. I know where Torak was."  
  
"Where?" Katie demanded.  
  
Beth held up her hand. "Not so fast, my not-so-perky friend. I know where he was....two months ago. But if you visit there you might be able to find some information."  
  
"Okay, where?"  
  
"You have to let me come along with you on the quest," Beth said. "Or I'm not telling."  
  
Merry looked up. "I think she would be very helpful."  
  
Katie shot him a glance. "Not you too."  
  
"Shut up."  
  
"Alright. You can come," Katie reluctantly agreed. Kayla bounced up and down with joy.  
  
"Whee! A counterpart who isn't a stubborn bitch! YES!"  
  
Katie glared at Kayla a moment, whose jumping was beginning to subside under Katie's furious stare.  
  
"Well, let's go then. I believe I've had enough gruel for the day." 


	4. Gandalf

Chapter Four: Gandalf the Grey  
  
"So you're not telling me where it is," Katie said as they continued their journey.  
  
"I'm telling you, I don't know what it's called. I was a prisoner there for a short time. But I can lead you there."  
  
"How do we know you aren't lying?"  
  
"Cause I'm not," Beth said simply. "You'll just have to believe me."  
  
Katie was not enjoying this. She wanted to be the leader....to look strong and tough for Pippin...but she wasn't getting the chance. "Well, you showed him that last night," Katie thought to herself. Then again, maybe he didn't want a strong and tough person. Maybe he was so sick of following people around that he wanted to be the leader.  
  
She walked over to him. "Pip," she said, stepping over a stray tree branch, "How are you today?"  
  
"Never better," he replied, putting his arm around her shoulder, a peculiar sight with Katie being slightly taller than him.  
  
"Where are you going when this is over?" Katie asked.  
  
"Back to the Shire I suppose....what about you?"  
  
"I don't know, I was thinking about building myself a little hobbit hole. Living in trees is beginning to bore me."  
  
"That poses possibilities," Pip said with a smile.  
  
Kayla looked at Katie oddly. "You wouldn't last five minutes in a hobbit hole, you stupid ho. You're afraid of being underground, just like you're afraid of bridges, butterflies...."  
  
"Shut up. Stupid ho."  
  
"That's me!"  
  
Sam and Rosie were talking quietly to each other in the back of the group. Always eager to interrupt personal moments, Kayla bounded back there and began disturbing them.  
  
"Hello, how are we today?" she asked.  
  
"We were talking about the fact that if Torak uses sorcery, we're in trouble," Rosie replied.  
  
Kayla thought a minute about that. "Indeed we are. Dryad sorcery is very limited...you know what this means?"  
  
"What?" Sam asked.  
  
"We need Gandalf."  
  
"I was wondering how long it would take you to realize that," Katie said, coming back to join them. "Luckily, we will be meeting up with Gandalf. Beth used the sorcery she has from her half-elven heritage to contact him, and he will be meeting us at the place where Torak is now....which I still don't know where it is, Beth won't tell me...."  
  
"HAHA! Stupid ho!" Kayla said gleefully.  
  
"Shut up," Katie said absently.  
  
They continued their journey, having no idea where they were going. But Beth obviously did, as she led them with speed and confidence. Merry was following her like a little puppy....you could almost see his tongue hanging out, but maybe that was for other reasons....  
  
They stopped in a small grove of trees around nightfall and set up camp. Katie and Kayla looked for firewood while the hobbits and Beth tried to make some form of shelter. Katie and Kayla didn't plan on using their forms of shelter – they'd be more comfortable sleeping in the trees.  
  
"This is pretty good," Pip said, after they had got a fire going and the food cooked. "What is it?"  
  
"Human flesh," Katie replied smoothly.  
  
Six blank faces stared up at her. Kayla just giggled in the background.  
  
"I was joking," Katie said, "It's actually rabbit."  
  
There was a collective sigh of relief.  
  
"Dryads were once known for their cannibalistic nature," a voice said from the shadows. Everyone turned to look, and saw a tall old man tugging at his beard. "But that was back in the beginnings of Middle Earth, of course."  
  
"Gandalf!" Frodo shouted, and all the hobbits except Rosie ran up and hugged him. "We were wondering if you'd be coming back."  
  
"The Grey Havens aren't for me," Gandalf said, "I need to be roaming around Middle Earth somewhere to be happy....I was in the Shire last night."  
  
"We were in Bree," Frodo said. "At the Prancing Pony."  
  
"Well, doesn't that bring back memories," Gandalf chuckled. "Well, if I were you, I'd get some sleep. If today wasn't a long day for you, tomorrow will be, and I have lots of things to tell you." 


	5. Kay the Insane

Chapter Five: Kay the Insane  
  
Disclaimer: No we don't own Monty Python either.  
  
They continued on the next morning with Bethany gallantly leading them on.  
  
"Bravely bold Sir Robin rode forth from Camelot...." Kayla sang merrily skipping in circles around the slowly moving fellowship.  
  
"Energetic lass, isn't she?" Sam commented from the back of the group.  
  
"Let me kill her...." Merry whined dragging his tired feet. Gandalf swiftly whacked her on top of the head with his stick that had a top resembling a glade plug-in as she skipped past him.  
  
"Calm down!" he commanded her.  
  
"OW!! Fine, geez, who took a dump in your grits..."  
  
"Kay, at least try to act as if you were older than three." Katie said in her I-Am-So-Better-Than-You voice, which she uses often.  
  
"Whatever you say, oh high and mighty." She calmed down for at the most five minutes, "Oh, we're knights of the round table...." she sang as she began to skip again. They walked on with little comment before coming to a clearing where they decided to take a break since they all were hungry and tired, except for Kayla who was still hopping about like a insane nymph. (she was a dryad after all)  
  
They all sat down and began to pass around food.  
  
"Sam! Here's yours, Bethany, Kayla....Kayla GET OUT OF THAT TREE AND COME AND GET YOUR LUNCH!" Rosie's voice rang out as she prepared them all sandwiches. Merry was digging around in his pack.  
  
"Has anyone seen my pipe weed?" He asked looking up from his pack. Kayla coughed.  
  
"Er....no.what pipe weed?"  
  
"It was you!"  
  
"You'll have to catch me!" She cried taking off at full speed a small bag trailing from her hand, with Merry and Pippin running after her. She cackled insanely. "MWAHAHAHAHA!" Until she tripped and fell onto the grass of the clearing. A short distance away the rest of the group were doubled over, laughing like mad. Merry and Pippin tackled her, removing the pipe weed from her hands and sitting down next to her.  
  
"You are insane," Merry said checking to make sure his weed was not damaged.  
  
"Very much so," she agreed.  
  
"Why don't you share some of that pipe weed, Merry?" Pippin asked.  
  
"No." They began to argue about weed, not noticing Beth and Katie sneaking up behind them.  
  
"AHHHHH!" the girls screamed at the top of their lungs, scaring the two hobbits into a frenzy.  
  
"Ack! I believe I just crapped myself!" Pippin cried, curling up in the fetal position.  
  
They were all having too much fun to notice something was advancing on them, before they could be prepared they were surrounded. It was Torak.  
  
"So, frolicking in the grass are we?" he asked evilly.  
  
"At least we have people to frolic with," Katie retorted. "No one would want to frolic with you."  
  
Behind her Katie heard some rustling in the grass. She recognized the sound all too well. Kayla. Getting ready for her ninja/dryad act. She groaned in misery.  
  
Kayla advanced on Torak with her arms out in a kung-fu position. She chopped him once on one side of the head, once on the other, kicked him in the unmentionable area (KNICKERBOXER!) and then banged her head on his, causing him to fall over in the grass.  
  
"Thank you, thank you, I'll be here till Thursday," Kayla said, taking a bow.  
  
A shadowy image appeared over Torak. It was....Torak.  
  
"Okay, who's screwing with my brain now?" Katie asked.  
  
"I am! I am!" Pip shouted.  
  
Katie looked at him with a seductive smile, then back to the shadow.  
  
"Luckily he was only my minion," Shadow-Torak said. "If you think defeating me will be that easy, you'd better think again. If you wish to try your luck, journey forth to Gondor."  
  
And with that he vanished.  
  
Beth snapped her fingers. "So that's what that place is called!" 


	6. The Ever Appropriate Katie

Chapter Six: The Ever-Appropriate Katie  
  
"You know Gandalf, you didn't do anything wizardy in that battle," Kay observed. "I had to do all the ass whoopin'."  
  
"It was not my time," Gandalf replied.  
  
"Well, all right, if you say so. Hey if you knew what that place was called why didn't you tell us?"  
  
"You don't have advanced magic to communicate and Beth does. Trust me you'll need her. Katie and Pip, would you stop?"  
  
Katie and Pip had been hiding behind a tree, still goofing off as they were earlier. "Wasn't doin' nothing!"  
  
"Yes, you weren't doing nothing. You were doing something. Watch your double negatives."  
  
"Who are you, my English teacher? Crap head."  
  
"Don't say the c-r-a-p word."  
  
"So are we going to Gondor?" Katie asked, still behind the tree and refusing to bring her hands out from their hiding place.  
  
"Yes. Who knows? We might see someone we know."  
  
"Oh, will we see King Aragorn? I hear he is a sexy beast."  
  
Pip looked quite offended. Gandalf just chuckled.  
  
"He has a wife you know. Biggus Dickus. Her name is Incontinentia. Incontinentia buttox!"  
  
Katie about died laughing. "Monty Python hasn't been invented yet, ya stupid ho. And her name is Arwen."  
  
By this time, Kayla was getting quite annoyed with this whole conversation. "Katie, hand check."  
  
"No."  
  
"Yes."  
  
Kayla ran around and grabbed Katie's hands, which were....nowhere inappropriate. Kayla walked off in a huff.  
  
"See? I was a good girl!" Katie shouted.  
  
Gandalf looked quite concerned. "I wonder what Torak did with Aragorn and Arwen."  
  
"Hopefully nothing inappropriate, though Kayla's probably already considered that possibility," Katie said, shouting over so Kayla could hear her.  
  
"Shut up, ya stupid ho," Kayla shot back.  
  
"We'd better get started," Pip said, standing up.  
  
Katie looked shocked. "Pip? In front of the whole fellowship?"  
  
Pip smiled. "I meant traveling."  
  
"Right. I knew that."  
  
They traveled onward, hanging out with their respected newfound 'friends.' Gandalf looked lustily onward towards the hobbits.  
  
Just kidding.  
  
All this time spent in the sun made the entire fellowship begin to either burn or tan. Kay burnt. Frodo tanned. Pip and Merry tanned. Katie and Beth burned. Sam and Rosie both tanned, and Gandalf....was still Gandalf. Probably because he didn't get any sun with that stupid hat and robe on. Not that anyone wanted him to take it off.  
  
The male hobbits were all becoming more muscular as well. The girls really appreciated that. And Gandalf....was still Gandalf.  
  
But they did the whole travel-thingy, crossing mountains, navigating rivers, weathering storms....you know, that boring stuff.  
  
Until we get to the next chapter, when things really heat up. And yes, that can be taken one of two ways. 


	7. Hobbits In Heat

Chapter Seven: Hobbits in Heat  
  
And so things began to heat up. There was actually some love going on between the hobbits and their dryads (or in Beth's case, the hobbit and his half-elf, half-hobbit). No not dirty lovins, children, get your minds out of the gutter. We're talking honest, everyday lovins.  
  
"Pippin stop!" Katie said between gasps of breath. "I'm worn out from every other night we've done this."  
  
"I could do it all day."  
  
And what were they doing? Actually, they were doing push-ups to better help their health for traveling. And you thought I was being perverted.  
  
Told ya they were honest, everyday lovins.  
  
Anyway, they came closer and closer to Gondor, and Frodo began to feel an odd sense of recurrence. He also began to feel the same way he had when he had held the ring. Like he was under burden again. Had Torak made himself a ring conceived in the essence of evil and power? We'll just have to find out, won't we?  
  
Sam was leaving Rosie behind more and more often to check on whom he always called "Master Frodo." He too felt like the quest to destroy the ring was repeating itself all over again.  
  
Gandalf looked ahead, using a farseeing wizard talent, and saw Gondor and its city of Minas Tirith, about twenty miles away. It was taken over by an army of orcs, and the King and Queen were being held captive in a dungeon. Torak was sitting on the throne and gaining power every second.  
  
"Come! We must hurry!" he said.  
  
"Why?" Pip said. "We're so tired....we can't take this anymore Gandalf. This is worse conditions than we had the first time we did this."  
  
Gandalf's face became stern. "Torak has taken Gondor. Orcs patrol the streets of Minas Tirith. Aragorn and Arwen are trapped in a dungeon. Does that give you enough incentive to overlook your 'conditions'?"  
  
Pip's face was surprised. "I'd say so, Gandalf."  
  
So they traveled as quickly as they possibly could. Which wasn't all that quick, with hobbits having short legs and all. It was starting to bug Katie and Kayla, who had ran a lot and were quite in shape. They could've ran about twice as fast as the hobbits but.  
  
That and Gandalf was an old man. A slow old man.  
  
But they traveled as fast as they could and by nightfall they were in Gondor. They traveled to the edge of Minas Tirith and waited outside the walls of the massive city until it was completely dark to hopefully go unnoticed.  
  
It did not work.  
  
Torak himself was walking over the fields surrounding the city, with a number of guards following him. Frodo looked to Gandalf.  
  
"I can't kill him now," he whispered, "He has too many people to help him."  
  
"Now is not the time destined anyway," Gandalf replied. "Your Dryad friends are the only ones who will know when the time comes, and they will tell you."  
  
Frodo was a bit surprised at how the fate of the world rested in the hands of two flighty Dryads who called each other 'asshole' and 'asswipe' on occasion.  
  
Torak raised his hand up in the air, and started chanting things in what resembled the language of Mordor. Katie, Beth, and Kayla rose up and began to walk towards him. The hobbits tried to stop them but couldn't - they were being compelled by a greater force.  
  
Torak smiled at the coming of the three girls. "Long since have I searched for you. I have found all my former slaves - you are the last three. And here you are, right under my nose. You didn't know, did you? When you were my slave, I put a bond to us that could never be broken, so I can summon you with a single spell." He laughed. "Now you can't help the Fellowship reform. There's no stopping me now."  
  
And with that, he led the girls into the White City. 


	8. Of Severed Heads

Chapter Eight: I'm A Slave For You  
  
A/N: If you are a weak stomached male....I would not advise reading this. If you don't like perverted things....I would not advise reading this. But you would've figured that out by now so.  
  
Beth, Katie, and Kayla were thrown in a room with the other slaves that Torak had recaptured. All of them wore skimpy outfits that left little to the imagination. This gave the girls a sinking feeling of the kind of slaves they were to be.  
  
One of the girls walked up to them. "Katie....Kayla.are you going to save us again?"  
  
Whispering began to form among the girls. "Katie....Kayla? The ones who rescued us last time?" was the phrase heard most often.  
  
"We'll try, and so will Beth," Katie said. "She's the smart one, and we're the asshole ones that bug the shit out of Torak."  
  
Some of the girls had scared looks on their faces. "He said he wants you two most," one of them whispered. "For....sexual reasons. Something about domination over all of us, and he basically already has that over us....except for you guys."  
  
Beth smiled. "Don't worry. I have a plan."  
  
Kay looked quickly to her. "What?"  
  
"Hide a dagger in your outfit when they give you a skimpy one. When he tries to....well....yeah, chop his....you know."  
  
"Getting the picture," Kayla said.  
  
There was massive giggling at this. Katie idly wondered what would happen if any men overheard this, with them being so sensitive to their body organs  
  
Torak bounded through the door. "All right. Katie, Kayla, and Beth, I want you."  
  
"So does everyone else," Kayla replied, "But you can't always get what you want."  
  
"But if you try sometimes you just might find you get what you need," Katie said, not being able to resist the attempt to break into song.  
  
"I am King over Middle Earth!" he roared.  
  
"You're a looney," Katie commented.  
  
Torak shot a strand of magic at them and tied them together with it. He then picked them up, still using some sort of magical powers, and took them to a dark room. Katie turned her head toward Kay, and whispered, "Got a dagger?" Kayla nodded. Torak untied them and began stripping himself. "GO!" Katie shouted. Kayla lunged at the half-nude Torak and....well the plan worked.  
  
"Serves ya right," Kay said, towering over him. "Gives a whole new meaning to severed head, doesn't it?"  
  
A/N: Well, it's all yours now Kayla. Write some. Make me proud.and make me giggle in such pervertedness it is scary. 


	9. The Rescue

Chapter nine: The Rescue  
  
Beth ran to Kay and helped her bind the crying form of Torak. Katie ran to where all the other women were kept and started undoing latches. Beth and Kay bodily dragged Torak to the toilet pit and shoved him in, after listening for the loud plop they left to help Katie with the other women.  
  
"Katie! We're back." Kay said quietly finding her way into the slave apartments, "where are you? I can hardly see a damn thing."  
  
"I am over her in the corner," said a voice in the darkness, "come here and let me see your dagger." Kay and Beth worked there way over to Katie in the dim room.  
  
"How many latches are there to be undone?" Beth asked taking the dagger from Kayla and picking at the lock.  
  
"Three, I think, they connect chains to all of the slaves ankles." Katie replied. They had noticed that the slaves were oddly quiet.  
  
"What is wrong with you girls?" Kayla asked one of them.  
  
"The guards," One of them replied, "we are trying not to disturb the guards."  
  
"Oh." After listening she could hear stirring below, something was going on. "Beth. Katie. Listen for a second, any ideas to what's going on down there?" They all listened quietly for a moment.  
  
"It sounds as if there is fighting of some sort going on down there." Beth said. Katie agreed. They fighting stopped and it sounded as if someone was marching up the stairs to the slave's apartments.  
  
"Oh, shit." Katie breathed, as they all backed into a corner. The marching continued, down the hallway to right next to the door to where the girls were hiding. The door banged open flooding the room with light. It was....Aragorn? Right behind him came the hobbits and Gandalf, all brandishing weapons. The girls stood up from their hiding spot.  
  
"You're a bit late." Kayla said.  
  
"And you're a bit unappreciative." Gandalf replied.  
  
"Um...." They all looked at Pippin who was turning bright red, "Lovely costumes." He said, his face turning even redder.  
  
"What the heck are you talking about?" Aragorn asked. The men turned to the scantily dressed dryads. They began to blush furiously, so did the girls.  
  
"Well....rm....yes....lets find you some clothes."  
  
"We have other things to take care of first." Beth said.  
  
"Like what?"  
  
"The slaves," Kayla replied, "Gandalf, you can remove the locks, can't you?"  
  
"Yes, but what of Torak?"  
  
"He is in the toilet at the moment."  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"Why don't you take a look yourself?" 


	10. Gandalf Leaves

Chapter Ten: Gandalf Leaves  
  
Gandalf took Aragorn and went to free the slaves, meanwhile the rest talked quietly about their adventures with Torak.  
  
"You chopped it right off?" Arwen asked.  
  
"Like a roll of sausage," Kay said gleefully.  
  
Some of the hobbits winced at that. Katie just laughed. "You should've seen it. It was marvelous."  
  
Pippin looked shocked.  
  
"NO! I mean....well the act of cutting. Geez. I'm not that sick."  
  
Gandalf and Aragorn came back shortly with a group of scantily dressed women behind them. "Bad news," Aragorn said in his oh-so-sexy voice.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Torak escaped."  
  
There was a collective gasp.  
  
"He still has his magic power. And he used it to escape. Simple as that," Gandalf said.  
  
"But at least Gondor is ours again," Aragorn said with a sigh of relief. "I hated being locked up."  
  
Katie smiled at him. "They shouldn't lock someone as marvelous as you up."  
  
Arwen and Pippin both looked at her with furious glances. Katie quickly shut up, something she is not very good at doing.  
  
"Well um....maybe we should form an army here in Gondor," Katie suggested, hoping to redeem herself. "We've got to get Torak out of our way."  
  
"She's right," Gandalf said. "There will be a great journey, consisting of Aragorn, Arwen, Beth, Frodo, Katie, Kayla, Merry, and Pippin."  
  
"Whoa he went in alphabetical order." Frodo said. "But wait. We need a fellowship of nine, Gandalf. You need to come."  
  
"This is a different fellowship, young Frodo. The Fellowship of Eight. Even numbers are better anyway. I have other things to attend to."  
  
"Well good, I didn't want a chaperone anyway," Katie said, looking naughtily at Pip.  
  
"Hell yes!" Pip shouted.  
  
"Ahem," Aragorn said in an authoritative tone.  
  
"Excuse me, but you'll be too busy with Arwen to notice," Merry said loftily.  
  
Aragorn pondered that a moment. "Ah you are most likely right, dear Merry."  
  
"Don't talk like that, dude. It's kinda creepy."  
  
Aragorn smiled, and the newly formed fellowship laughed heartily.  
  
It would be a good journey. 


	11. On the Road Again or The Road Goes Ever ...

Chapter Eleven: On the Road Again or The Road Goes Ever On  
  
"So Fearless Leader, what are we going to do now?" Katie asked Aragorn.  
  
"Well let me tell ya...."  
  
Arwen nudged Aragorn in the ribs. The mighty King winced. "I wasn't being perverted! I swear! I was going to say that we should stay here until we pinpoint Torak's location."  
  
"Don't worry Arwen, though I flirt incessantly with your husband I really like someone else," Katie said, always the blunt one. "I'm not going to take him or anything. Pippin's more of my fancy."  
  
At this Pippin, Aragorn, and Arwen, all blushed furiously.  
  
"I guess we don't really know what we're doing," said Beth, changing the subject.  
  
"Well naturally Torak would center himself in Mordor, wouldn't he?" Kayla asked.  
  
"Logically he would," said Merry, "But we need something stronger than logic before we travel all that way for nothing, wouldn't you say? We need proof of some sort."  
  
"Yeah, that'd be nice."  
  
There was an awkward silence. Then Aragorn spoke up. "There is someone who may know."  
  
"Really now?" asked Katie.  
  
"Her name is Megan, and she is my consultant in the ways of magic," said the king. "She might be able to find his mind with her magic, and then we can go from there."  
  
"That would work," said Sam.  
  
So they journeyed to the upper chambers of Aragorn's palace, to find a person who really did not resemble a magic user at all. She was tall and curly headed, and looked like a person who would be more practical that a person that would work in the supernatural.  
  
"What do you need, Aragorn?" she asked. The fellowship was slightly taken aback - a consultant of Aragorn's would call him 'your Majesty,' wouldn't they?  
  
But Aragorn was a revolutionary king and did not set much in ceremony, so the matter was soon dismissed in Katie's mind.  
  
"We need you to find - "  
  
"Torak," she finished. "Mordor."  
  
"How do you know so quickly?"  
  
She handed Aragorn a piece of parchment. "I'm in Mordor. Come get me. There will the true battle of destiny be fought," he read aloud. "This could obviously be a trap."  
  
"It could," said Megan. "But it's not - Torak wants this 'battle of destiny' to happen, because certain prophecies make it seem that he will be the victor."  
  
"Makes sense," Katie said. "Can we go now?"  
  
"Yeah, you in such a hurry?"  
  
"Yes, I'm a dryad, I like being outside."  
  
Aragorn shrugged. "Well," he said, "I guess we'll be going to Mordor now."  
  
"I feel like we're on a wild goose chase," muttered Sam.  
  
"Hush Sam. Be good," said Rosie.  
  
Katie giggled at the level of control Rosie had over Sam.  
  
They left Gondor with minimal difficulty, excepting having to set a few fill-in's in place to cover Aragorn and Arwen's positions while they were gone.  
  
"On the road again, I can't wait to get on the road again," Merry sang.  
  
"Excuse me, if we're singing a song about a road, it should be 'the road goes ever on and on,'" said Pippin. "After all....it's a bit more related to this time frame."  
  
"Shut up Pip."  
  
Pip giggled and went over to talk to Katie instead of annoying Merry.  
  
Frodo and Kayla were talking quietly (a first) slightly behind the rest of the group.  
  
"What was it like, coming back from the Grey Havens?" she asked. "I thought you weren't supposed to be able to leave."  
  
"You aren't supposed to be," he said. "If it weren't for Gandalf I'd still be there. But he helped me leave. I missed everyone too much. Sam, Pip, and Merry....it wasn't the same without them. It was quiet, and I needed some peace and quiet, but I couldn't take that much."  
  
There was a small silence.  
  
"Your journey....it really was difficult, I mean, you guys are legends....I've heard the stories, it's hard to imagine you went through all of it."  
  
"I can hardly believe it myself sometimes," he admitted. "In the end though, I felt the hardest pressures lied on Smeagol. I mean, I carried it, but he lived with the guilt of killing Deagol, the guilt of what he was trying to do, and then he suffered the most in the end. I guess he did get the ring in the end - not that it did him any good."  
  
"He died happily, or so I heard," Kay said.  
  
"Yes, he was laughing even as he fell in Mount Doom," Frodo said. "It was the scariest thing."  
  
"Glad it's over?" Kay asked.  
  
"Yes, but I'm glad to be out adventuring again, of a less important sort," he said.  
  
"Well I'm glad we got you too come along," Kay said.  
  
"Yeah," said Frodo, "Me too." 


End file.
